Barba Ruiva Em Resumo: OCD, the annoying habits that won't go away

Last post, I talked about depersonalization, which is a disorder that makes one feel detached from reality, and also from one's own self. Now, I'll talk about OCD. And, yep, people who suffer from some dissociative disorder usually suffer from a set of mood/humor disorders as well. Not everyone, but some of us are "cursed" with having to bear with a few of them.

Once again, since I've just started the blog, I'm going to tell you about my own experiences and episodes. Later, I'll write posts with info on causes (if doctors know, really, of any), possible treatment, etc. So, here we go.

The earliest memory of OCD I can recover from my mind begins early in my childhood. I had never heard of OCD then, just coming to hear about it in my mid-twenties. But, as a child, I had this annoying habit of separating things on my plate when I ate. My family got crazy at me, at first, then they just started to find it amusing, telling everyone who saw me eat "oh, see there, Daniel does that all the time", and just laughed about it. I didn't join in the laughter, of course. I was not having fun with deparating things on my plate.

Basically, what I would do was to separate anything that I couldn't recognize in my food, things like little pieces of what probably was spice, or pieces of tomato skin, and so on. I simply couldn't eat those stuff, as I still can't generally eat them today. Can't explain why, but I just didn't feel right. Those little unrecognizable things couldn't be eaten, couldn't touch my mouth. Also, I would eat things in a certain order. Nothing much specific, but there was a certain order. For instance, if I had vegetables, rice, beans, and meat on my plate, I would eat them at that specific order, and no different from that. And, everyone who was close to me knew that. I remember my ex-girlfriend explaining to her mother how I ate, as her mother stared at me eating in that peculiar way.

But, people don't take OCD that nicely. They think of us as weirdos, as strange people, and so on. So, most of the time, the ones of us who can, we try to hide it from people, try to carry on our little routines as discreetly as possible, or even come up with stories to explain some habits, in a way that people will find it less strange. For example, when people asked why I ate things in order, I just said it was because it tasted better that way, or that my stomach would have a nicer way in digesting the food if I did so. Of course, it was all a lie, I just had to do things that way, but people wouldn't understand, or would start treating me like a nut case.

We also need to remember that there are many types and levels of OCD. Some people suffer from real severe, uncontrollable OCD, and they just can't hide it. The OCD takes control over their lives. If they can't perform some of their rituals, they'll just go crazy about it.

Fortunately, I can say I suffer from a mild form of OCD. I've got lots of small rituals, and pet peeves (yes, some I consider to be pet peeves), which I can easily hide from other people, or just ignore them, once in a while. I guess that I can mostly ignore some of my OCD, in certain cases, because I'm a very distracted person, or might be said to be a highly "focused" one, instead of distracted...I really don't know...lol. Sometimes I'm so distracted within my thoughts, that I end up ignoring some OCD rituals.

As I said before, there are several "types" and levels of OCD. These usually are sorted as rituals of simmetry, order, organization, cleansing, and so on. And the intensity of the OCD varies according to the ability we may have of ignoring the need to perform a certain ritual, or not.

Check this scene from the movie "As Good As It Gets", with Jack Nicholson, and his totally OCD-like character:

In my case, as I said, it all comes down to my perception of things, to my awareness of the environment. When I'm totally absorted into thought, I ignore things. But, if I allow myself to pay attention to my surroundings, and let my rituals call for attention, then things get a little rough. I gotta do my stuff. I start organizing stuff into some particular order, placing things simmetrically on their rightful place, cleaning what seems to be unclean, and so on. And, I HAVE to do those things. I'll get an immense sense of discomfort if I don't do what I have to do.

Some rituals are more evident than others. For instance, my eating rituals are more constant, in comparison to my simmetry rituals. I can usually ignore the latest, if I can simply not pay attention to them. Also, when I can feel good about myself, most of my OCD don't manifest. But, under situations of stress, or when I'm feeling down, or irritated, then they all come at full strength.

Anyway...people with OCD have their own private experiences and habits, their own way of dealing with the disorder. And, sad for us, there's yet no cure for OCD, just some attempts for treatment, which usually involve some drugs (anxiety and depression drugs), therapy, etc. OCD most often never completely goes away, but it can be minimized with treatment.

As for the causes for OCD, doctors still struggle to finding it. It might involve early childhood trauma, or traumatic experiences in adult life...some doctors are even considering OCD to have some genetic roots.

Well, I guess that's it for today's post. I'll leave you now with some useful links on OCD.

Useful links: